I fell asleep some time ago believing the quandaries I faced in my own mental experience were as substantive as those found in the material world. I have yet to awaken. Something, perhaps not unbidden, compelled me to pursue a life within the perimeters of the contexts and environments my imagination had surreptitiously concretized around me. Divided between seperate mental states, one fragment of my being remains in a tranquil dimension suffuse with clarity of mind, and the other in a horrid demesne where all the blackest concievable scenarios come true. My more angelic nature perpetually calls out to me so that I might someday be reunited with it, and in so doing overcome the multitudinous wraiths that spawn forth from the darkest reaches of my soul. I fear, however, that I am always a reality away from my objective.
Such is the transience of the ontology of Jared Williams; to chase the shadows of shadows amid dark corridors and to wander through dreams within dreams that lead only to other haunted domains far, far away from anywhere that looks like home. Be it in the sterile, corporeal desert revealed by daylight, or in the roiling, infernal lucidity of night, I persist. I try to keep my eyes open so that the viscous atrocities of my subconscious envisioning will not supplant my earthly locality, or worse, the beliefs I cherish the most. This is my virus to bear; the moon under which I was born. Phobos waits for me alone.
For a brief span, I was once able to transcend this dilemma and pierce the fog of my neurosis to unveil a seemingly empyrean calm. Though this singular instance would not last, my memories of that time and the serenity that accompanied it have not faded. Coupled with recent events, these recollections have inspired me to embark upon a private crusade into the netherworld of my untamed psyche, so that I might at last confront my demons objectively. At first, it seemed that I would be successful, but entropy is again gaining the upper hand. I fear that despite all my sudden positivism, as a result of circumstances thrust upon me by super-ordinate forces, the realization of my hopes for unity and indeed, the very continuation of my existence may be impeded by the determinations of Another.
